melly's world

goodbye

2008-01-06T18:02:00.000+08:00

goodbye blogger. say hi to livejournal!

see ya there friends.

http://freedom-galore.livejournal.com/

Saturday is purple

2008-01-05T11:16:00.000+08:00

Don't ask me how I got the title but anyhow I'm like taking a break from the hectic week. Alrights I know the week only started on Wed but its like been so long!!!

1 week at work already time pass so quickly. The people are getting used to me and I'm quite glad cause I'm getting used to them too. But still can't remember many people's names.

Wonder If i looked really bored yesterday cause I think the RC leader or something came to me and spoke in CHINESE. Are you very bored? Then i was like sometimes, why want me to do anything for you? haha. THen he say 10th anniversary coming so maybe will need my help.

Then Zul came to me and asked me if i were busy with anything and said he wanted me to help him with something, which happened to be FILING! after lunch is always a busy busy time. I was practically multitasking like 4 things at the same time. Gosh.

Bah still have to search for something for my boss.

Alrights and now its leisure time!

hierachy

2008-01-03T20:21:00.000+08:00

I realise school is really a preparation for work.

Attended a communication meeting today which is equivalent to like some cohort meeting. Instead of reporting school results they report company revenue. President give opening just like principal giving opening then VP will announce the rest.

BUT i had to stand in my heels the whole time because we had the meeting in the logistics area with no chairs. Bah dead beat now.

When i'm free i'm really damn free. But when suddenly theres something to do everything happens at the same time! Getting to know more people which is a good thing.

Not so good

2008-01-02T20:54:00.000+08:00

Bah it hasnt been a very good day.

But its the 1st time in 12 years on the 2nd of Jan that I do not go to school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like scream hooray!

No more long dreary rides to TJ and back. No more lessons in the lecture theatres. RARR

A not so happy new year

2008-01-01T18:33:00.000+08:00

Bah what a new year. Had half day at work on the eve and went back sick and all!

Puked my lunch out and just slept through the day away plus today.
How nice.

Anyway Happy New Year to all!

2007-12-29T17:39:00.000+08:00

Haha thats my work space of course its bigger than that but i was trying to be discreet. Thats the laggy computer with lousy powerpoint! the designs are so terrible and the worst is i can't load fonts into the com! I think because I am not the administrator. Oh and I also have CCTVs and private drawers and stuff. see the mic? Thats where I page for people. And my very important telephone.

Oh and I also have this window that tells me who just entered where or got out of the office. And Thats how i realised that we actually have a VIP door for the bosses blah blah and a door for the commoners (me). No wonder when i tried to enter one of the doors it didnt let me in! so that was the VIP door! cool.

work work work

2007-12-28T20:40:00.000+08:00

2nd day at work. Was left to do my work by myself today after one day of training yesterday. Damn tired after work today.

Designed a new template for the Welcome message but it can't work on the program! must find out why on Monday.

Duties are like opening doors for meetings, replenishing shoe covers, sending out mail, sorting out mail, answering phone calls, paging, givving smock to customers blah the blah.

Anyway i hate HEELS. they are killing my feet 4 plasters already. GRRR. stupid blisters (sorry eu) haha inside joke. Anyway blisters are really stupid. bah. Whoever invented heels!!!!!!!!!!

ASE Singapore Pte Ltd

2007-12-26T17:33:00.000+08:00

After weeks and days of job hunting and rotting at home, I finally got a job!!! Starting work tomorrow blah and need to hunt for office wear and HEELS! grrr.

Being a receptionist cum admin kinda thing so yepps finally =)....

NewYork

2007-12-25T20:22:00.000+08:00

Ah i know I've procrastinated for too long, so I shall blog about Newyork! (like finally)

Day 1 (in Newyork):

Well it wasn't that cold when we reached JFK airport just comfortable like how UK was. Was a total mess after the long plane ride. First impressions of new york was loud, steam (from pot holes etc), just not the type of place I'ld want to live in. Graffati every where in addition to weird signs (No standing, No idling... ...). And in Newyork the streets are all numbered (horrors elaborate later). So anyway we took the coach to 103rd street to our hostel, "hostelling international". Slacked in one of the rooms cause it wasn't check in time yet but then I should still introduce 4/6 of my roomies to you.

me, chun, audrey, eileen

Alrights so to my horror my camera actually died! the screen was totally black so I only have my phone camera to depend on. So anyway we went on to Manhattan School of Music but then since we were too early, we went to the miniature park beside it.

Anyway we had some masterclass there where half of us fell asleep terrible jet lag. Wells at night went to Rockefella to supposedly see some lighting up of the christmas tree but the whole of newyork seem to be there its like 100 times worst than Orchard Road wonder why we even bothered to squeeze (thanks to some immature kids). Just cause of 3 kids who want to squeeze in alrights lets not bother to continue.

That marks the end of day 1 in newyork.

Day 2:

Took a coach early in the morning to take a ferry to liberty Island of course to see the famous Statue of Liberty. What would a trip to newyork be without visiting the Statue. It was terribly cold and the wind was so strong on the ferry.

Did some kind of a city tour with a guide that can't speak perfect english. He was like saying thats the broken bridge and in my mind i was like huh what broken bridge is there in NY. And it turns out to be Brooklyn Bridge! gosh. So lets revisit the places that we went to. Ground zero, Wall street, Newyork Stock exchange.

Newyork stock exchange

After that tour we went to Avery fisher hall to watch the Newyork Philharmonic. And I slept through the first piece and throughout the interval till the end. I stayed awake during the 2nd piece to watch Gil Shaham oh my have been hearing his records and knew him as a legend in the violinist world. And plus he played Dvorak, one of my favourite composers.

Day 3:

Went to the Julliard School of Music which is the school many musicians are vying for. And their book store is this big blue container. Was tempted to buy the Julliard shirt but oh wells not that worth the money just for the word Julliard.

Went to Barnes and Nobles the bookstore that can be found all over Newyork and made our way to Guggenhein Museum and we took the bus for the first time and we the Music students walked 20 streets all the way to the museum. I swear I was almost dying when we reached the museum that i was in no mood to walk at all though some of the art pieces (modern) were really quite humourous and interesting. So Eileen huiyan and I took a lift to the highest floor and made our way down.

Went to Empire's state building next (where Kingkong was standing) and alright you take an elevator to somewhere in between and they snap a picture of your group of friends or something then take another elevator to the 86th floor. And poof you find yourself in some gift shop. what a money making scam. Went outside for a while to admire the night view of newyork but it was super windy so retreated to the gift shop.

tj mep@ julliard on empire state

Day 4:

Went for another guided tour. But its one without a coach. Had a better guide this time round! and he was actually born in Singapore! We went to some memorial for the 911 incident and he also brought us to the most famous coffee place in Newyork! It was truly delicious.

So we just continue our walk, passed by chess shops where people can go in and find a mate to play chess with. Then went to the college of arts and sciences and after walking one round being non artistic just went to find someplace to rest. And guess where we went next ----- The Apple store!!!! My my the ipod touch is so !!! and its cheaper than in Singapore sighs but poor blokes like me obviously can't afford it.

And we toured round Union square with a local guide and Oh my freaking god. It was so cold that we were all silently praying for the tour to end but it took like HOURS! And how we kept ourselves warm--- huddled together, jumped up and down. And by the time it ended and we went to Virgin I was almost frozen into a popsicle.

After warming up we went shopping! At DSW, Forever 21. Tell you guys the clothes in Forever 21 there are rather affordable not sure about the Singapore store though I am rather sure the forever 21 there has much more choices and offer clothes at a cheaper price. Had dinner at this absolutely pricey burger store and those that wanted to shop carried on while the others head back to the hostel.

Day 5:

Woke up and heard some of my roomies go ITS SNOWING! and wow though my hostel window does not offer any nice scenary it's my first time experiencing heavy snow falling continuously from the sky!!!

We waited like eternity for the bus to arrive and waited out there in the cold. Snowflakes were falling all around and it felt like a fairy tale. A fully formed snowflake fell on Huiyan's head and she was kinda being used as an exhibit.

Finally reached the metropolitan museum of art and yes you see their shops at raffles place and suntec. Anyway we were kinda forced to join the guided tour but i was sick of seeing art works that I just can't comprehend. And anyway halfway through the tour chun was telling marc fairy tales and his laces came off. So during the moment where he was tying his laces we lost the group! So we went to the lobby and found some other lost souls and went to eat!

After the museum trip we went to watch Spamalot and it was really Spam alot. After the 1st few scenes i went to lala land again.

Day 6:

Ah my birthday (hmm was waiting for some smses to come but they didnt, oh wells), went to central park but some how i still like UK's parks better!

So after the walk through the park we went to Rockefella and i saw the tree and wonder why would so many people Sqeezzzzeeeeeeeeee just to see that tree. just because there are swarovski crystals? Hmm people in the world are weird.

Then we went to Grand Central Terminal.. Love that place, it’s so spacious and elegant!

Visited the Chrysler Building too. There was this BEAUTIFUL Xmas tree in there, way nicer than that big Rockefeller one. Richard then brought us to the New York Public Library, where they filmed that awesome movie, The Day After Tomorrow. :D

He then brought us to Toys R Us! The place was big enough to fit a Ferris wheel!

After that, we went to the Carnegie Hall for a concert by Rene Fleming with the Boston Philharmonic! I thought the concert was uber boring. No offence. and yes I fell asleep again. But it was very funny suddenly dinah woke me up and said i was snoring so i darent fall asleep again and then suddenly i heard snoring!!! and it was actually the person beside me shall not name her and phew I was embarrassed for nothing!!! Thank goodness it wasn't me!

Day 7:

We visited the Columbia University! Rannald was in love with the place. And it snowed again! It was so cold, I could not remember anything that tour guide told us. The place is beautiful, definitely. Singapore Universities really disgust me after visiting the ones in UK and US. But I guess I should just accept my fate of staying here and studying in those fugly buildings.

Haha anyway we went to this Cuban restaurant. So four of us (wynne, xinjun, chun and I) shared two plate of fried rice (one chicken one beef stew). The portions were huge, so we ended up very full and glad that we shared the meal. EXPENSIVE MEAL! $10 a plate. :( AND THAT IS NOT INCLUDING THE TAX!

Went to Macy's and bought this Guess jacket for school next year bet its cheaper than singapore though its quite pricey (40USD/$60 sing). Stupid place to shop, really.

Macy’s escalators are made of wood. And they made a freaky sound Chun and I were terrified of it initially. Its like those in haunted houses or something.

Day 8:

We went to the Natural History Museum! It’s where they took the set for the movie Night at the Museum! But it was a very very bad day for me, elaborate later.

Watched some IMAX movie on Cosmic Collision.. It was very exciting!! sat with marc and at one point where there was a collision marc got frightened and grabbed my hand!! haha kids.

Went for the guided tour and halfway i really couldnt take it, was really really ill. So left the group halfway and went to find a quiet spot to sleep I think it was at the evolution's video. Then i decided I should go hunt for the lobby but the museum was so huge and I got lost but I was really sick and probably having a fever feeling so cold even with my coat on and found this bench and slept there for a while. Then suddenly Mrs Neo found me and I think she probably got a shock and made me go to the cafetaria for a hot drink. Ms chew managed to force 2 panadols on me ( i can't swollow) and after a while's rest felt slightly better.

The worst part is after the museum we had to walk in the cold while it was snowing. Went to Filene's basement and managed to buy a wallet for my mum.

After that, the art people went back to the Met museum for some special exhibition while the rest of us went shopping again. This time, we went back to Union Square, that Virgin, DSW, Filene’s place. That night was supposed to be our Nutcracker ballet, but we got the time wrong! The email told us that it was 8pm, but it was to start at 6pm.

So, at 6pm, we were all happily eating crepes and pasta at the hostel kitchen while the art folks were watching Nutcracker. Oh and I'm really in love with the kitchen in the hostel where we cooked many many meals.

I wasn't that disappointed since I wasn't really feeling that well. Miss Chew was frantic haha, but finally the people got back to us the next day and told us that we could all watch it on the day after the next. :D

Okay 5th December was a short day. A lot of shopping. (: Miss Chew even returned a really pretty white jacket which she bought “on impulse”. US rocks, they allow us to return stuff we just bought and gives us cashback with no questions asked. We should do this in Singapore you know. :D I bet Dinah loves Filene’s because she bought 3 bags there!

Day 9:

I got up and did the usual wash up but was feeling really terrible so stayed in after all they were going to visit yet another museum and all.

Slept most of the day away and read my new book "the pact". Thanks eileen for the liquid panadol I would have died without it.

Day 10:

And Joy to the world we were finally going to Woodsbury what all the girls (and perhaps the guys) were waiting for!!!!! SHOPPING!

The whole village was made up of factory outlets and all branded I tell you, Guess, Calvin Clein, Quiksilver, ETC. Mrs neo was smart enough to put marc and mayce in our care. Honestly we were somewhat irritated cause we had to do our quick shopping given the shortage of time and had to take care of the kids. Bought quite a few things there. A puma shirt for only 7.99 USD. Wanted to buy a pair of sneakers but then its so hard to find sizes =(. Bought a polo brand T shirt for my dad. Ear rings, oh and quick silver was the best. Bought a pair of roxy slippers for 9.99 USD and a pair of roxy 3 quarters for only a frigging 5 USD!!! a pity there was TOO LITTLE TIME.

There was a jam all the way back to Manhattan and the music students had to rush to catch the ballet that we missed the other day. I didn't sleep!! nice to see the little girls in tutsi's. Oh somethng embarrassing happened during the concert. Marc insisted on going for the concert again and since there happened to be additional tickets. So anyway halfway through Ms chew wanted to take a picture which is forbidden but just for keepsake, and marc caught her and reached all the way to the front row and said very loudly "CANNOT TAKE PICTURE" and I who was sitting beside him was utterly embarrassed. gosh ms chew gave him a scolding after the concert. Lol.

Day 10:

The year 2 music people and mrs neo, marc and mayce stayed one additional day while the rest left kinda missed my roomies when i woke up. saw their sweet note. So anyway we just went around shopping at union square and i bought a pair of levi's jeans at only 35 USD. Walked around myself since eileen and huiyan were not really shoppers and 2 others were shopping queen and rannald liked walking around himself as well.

Did some grocery shopping and cooked pasta for everyone =). Did packing and sqeezing all my shopping (mainly chocolates) into the luggages. And though Singapore has 6 limited edition of colours of m&m's I realise I have about 10 colours or more!!!!! Now i can't bear to eat my m&m's!!! such pretty colours, white, baby blue, purple!!!

Day 11:

Went to JFK and our flight was delayed by 2 hours!!! Wells they gave us 300 baht (12 sing) as compensation for meals at the airport. The trip back from bangkok was totally not peaceful. I was dying to sleep but mayce who was sitting next to me was drawing a plan of her house and later while she was lying on my lap kept squirming about!

and thats when i tell myself. NO KIDS!

merry x'mas

2007-12-24T20:38:00.000+08:00

sucking a sour apple candy cane on christmas eve. how sweet. notice the irony there.

I'm only waiting for christmas to be over so I can continue my job hunt. I realise if school reopens in January I won't be so vexed over work. But then again it's a bliss not to wake up at 6am every freaking day and sleep my way to TJ. I'm absolutely glad/blissed to be out of TJ.

Today I called this place to apply for the temp admin job and here goes part of a conversation

"Which JC are you from?"
"Temasek Junior college"
"oh then what about secondary school?"
"erm Tanjong Katong girls' School"
"Oh! Thats a good school!"(animatedly)

No wonder tee says that Tkgs is a brand name and i wasn't convinced. Oh wells once a tkgian always a tkgian. Moribus Modestus folks. =)

Oh before I forget, Merry x'mas!

technology

2007-12-22T23:21:00.000+08:00

Everyone loves techno. Isn't it. Enter the train and see pple armed with their handphones, ears plugged, hands busy with psp or ds.

But just that day i was so pissed my phone kept showing me operation failed when i tried to send a sms or open my inbox/draft/sent messages. And i had to reset the phone just to get it to work normally. And horrors, bye to the new phone numbers that i recently saved, bye to my messages, bye to my pretty themes, bye to my mario.

rarrr.

ho ho ho

2007-12-21T22:52:00.000+08:00

Went out yesterday (20th ) with Ny By celine and friend for lunch as Ny was giving us a treat. walked one whole round around the fountain of wealth before deciding on swensons. Lol. Decided to catch a movie after that at marina square. Watched National Treasure: Book of secrets. I think i would rate it 4/5. It was so exciting and like at one point of time i was having my eyes closed. The cinema was so full and we only managed to get seats like 4 rows behind the screen! Never sat so "frontish" in the cinema before.

Parted ways after that and went to watch TJ choir carol to wait for chun to go to the x mas party but she had to celebrate bear's birthday so i had to go down first. Felt so weird since the whole house was filled with art students mostly seniors and like i was the only Music student. Bev and jiayi were the only 2 people that i knew at the party and in the end i ended up in the children's room playing the DS with mayce.

---- I think blogging about daily life is so boring. I am bored typing already.

Today went for another Job interview which was scary cause there were 4 people interviewing. Oh wells 10 interviewees for 3 places whats the odds man. Plus who would want to hire someone with only an O level cert and no working experience. Sucks.

Then went to my 2nd home. Somewhere where people don't expect me to be perfect and I can be a kid again as he said. Each time i think of February I kinda shudder. I don't want to think of that day. That day that determines my entire future. Sighs.

I need a job to take my mind off that day. I hate waiting for uncertainty. And you want to know the truth? I am scared.

--I can't be perfect. But you are such a perfectionist expecting so much out of me. You will know someday that I can't live up to your expectations.

F. R. I. E. N. D. S. part I

2007-12-20T00:29:00.001+08:00

These days I wonder if I had a class in tjc, funny to say that but ever since the day A's ended I've no idea what happened to my classmates or my "clique" and then I take a glimpse through my pictures with the album that says 04/06 and I realise that no matter what happens there are memories that stay with you so vividly.

Everytime I do some kind of personality test there would be a question that says do you prefer to have many acquaintances or just a few good friends. I guess the 2nd option is a better choice. Oh wells just a glimpse of life from 06-07 with those mates that accompanied me through my JC life.

Anyway if anyone from the class reads this.

Boys: Good luck in NS and have fun.

Girls: heya!! meet up soon k. =)

bored

2007-12-19T15:45:00.000+08:00

This is a lame post. Just want to tell the world.

Melly is freaking bored. Can HP or CNB hire me? QUICK!

money

2007-12-18T20:48:00.000+08:00

Finally got my pay from tuition!! Shall save up and open a bank account of my own. For the account is not meant for touching. Christmas is around the corner not that i celebrate it. In fact kinda sick of christmas songs that I've been hearing since the end of A levels. Yea thats how early shopping malls start playing those songs.

Shopping list: Billabong wallet
Clothes
Slippers
Get my hair dyed?! (just a crazy idea)

Bah human being's insatiable demands. Alrights I shall just find myself a proper job!!! argh and it just isn't as easy as i think it would be.

What i miss about newyork
1) woodbury (anyone wants to go there in Summer with me 3D2N?)
2) Union Square (that i'm so familiar with)
3)Max Brenner's Hot chocolate ( can be found in Singapore esplanade but different atmosphere)
4) Part of my roomies!
5) Freedom

What I miss bout London
1. Everything. =(

X'mas

2007-12-16T17:08:00.000+08:00

Oh my marc just called me to go to his x'mas party. But i am so freaking busy everyday of the week how am i going to buy a present? anyway who is marc, you must be thinking.

okay thats marc. People from TJ, he is the art teacher's son. Imagine. him x 4 kids at home. Me. a kids party?! And I am totally busy the whole week.

Monday : Date at 3.30 with ST

Tuesday: Tuition from 4-6

Wednesday: Do spring cleaning for my mum

Thursday: Outing with 1st 3 mths friends + Xmas party?!

Friday: Job interview + Pat visit

ok argh. And what to buy?! man. and imagine gift exchange with kids. And free babysitting service for 4 kids. alrights i should stop whining.

hwang jin yi

2007-12-15T22:28:00.000+08:00

I realised Korean Music makes pple very very emo. Was listening to hwang jin yi sound track and just made me think of all the sad sad things. Alrights haha. CNB sent me the coporate support officer application form. Going for interview on friday!! so exciting. haha. In case you don't know what CNB stands for its central narcortics bureau. Blah.

I know the name of the job sounds damn pro but actually its just another term for Admin!!!!!! ok i see pple going -.- hahahahaha.

tuition 1

2007-12-14T22:17:00.000+08:00

so damn tired after 2 hours of tuition. Lol. And now i know teaching is not my kinda job i think after like 2 periods i will be like half dead. Wonder how science teachers stand 2 hours of SPA. lol.

bah. i am too tired. but anyway went better than expected, cant wait to get my $$$. ok fine i am money faced. But still... ... Anyone has younger kids for me? =p

tuition

2007-12-14T10:46:00.000+08:00

Ah found myself one tuition kid. p6 sci and el like OMG i am most confident in MATHS not sci and el. SHIT ok i hope they dont read this.

and guess what. I GOTTA START TONIGHT. i am STRESSED. ok relax mel, relax. AH SHIT gotta run to popular soon...

oh man lets see what p6 kids learn these days... =/ wish me luck.

sleep pattern

2007-12-13T16:33:00.000+08:00

Melly has a problem.

slept from 7pm-11.20am. Thats not really jet lag and so I don't know whats that.

ahh for a rough gist about my newyork trip go to wynnism.livejournal.com. Er thats my junior's blog haha lazy to blog about it.

Ah someone give me a job. I am so freaking bored.

grains of the past

2007-12-12T18:32:00.000+08:00

You know how it is like to forget a person's existance completely after not meeting for a long time? And when you see them they sometimes bring back the pain, while other times you just can't quite remember who they are.

Just that day at Bangkok airport i saw someone whom when i see gives me great pain, I was hoping never to see her again like ever. And i just brushed past her without saying a thing as though we have never known each other. Sighs just a bit of the past.

And today at recruit express i saw my cousin's wife but then for a moment i just couldnt remembner who she was. She called my name but I just stared back blankly before suddenly realising who she was. She was like "you cannot see me?" because I was just staring thinking who's that. How sad since we only meet once a year during Chinese New Year and nothing more than that. I was like feeling so embarrased not to recognise my own relative. But I really thought she was a property agent! Okay I bet she gonna go home and tell my cousin that I didn't know who she is. Oh wells.

Haha randomly applying for jobs. Yawns.

hello tropics

2007-12-11T04:03:00.000+08:00

Hello world, I'm back from snowy Manhattan city to the tropics (almost died of heat stroke in Changi). The feeling of typing feels so foreign being away from it like for two weeks.

Anyway I'm obviously jetlagging being wide awake at 4:03am and going off to school in about 8 hours time to collect testimonials and photos from Eileen cause my camera had to die the day it landed in America. Guess I'll fall asleep during lunch.

Shall blog more about the trip like later later. When I'm in the mood to. So many things have happened. eg. my dad's car got broken into and he LOST my house key. grr

And you know I'm so sick of KIDS (more about that like in the later post). Good afternoon Newyork. =)

newyork newyork

2007-11-27T11:22:00.000+08:00

Newyork Newyork here i come!!!!

will be back on the 10th dec.

Till then my friends. =)

well if you really miss me you can sms me =)) esp on a certain day. HEHE.

BYE!

friends

2007-11-25T22:58:00.000+08:00

Everyone has gotten on with their lives, and part as individuals yet again. Perhaps there wasn't much of a choice in school where these are the few people who can make your mundane life whole filled with joy and laughter. But after its all over we go back to the life we knew before we met.

Guess thats life, the harsh realities of life. But still you always know that there's that segment of life that they played a large role in.

19 minutes

2007-11-24T21:44:00.000+08:00

I think my blog primarily exists for the tag board. Don't really have the fetish to blog. Perhaps its because theres nothing much going on in my life though i'm rather busy since the day physics ended. How ironic huh.

Finished reading 2 books already and trying to restrain myself from continuing the other 2 books which i just bought yesterday or i would have nothing to do on the plane. haha. Ah how sick exams have ended and i'm addicted to books.

Also addicted to the game lunia. haha thats basically life now. Went to Malaysia today and just shopped around and chilled.

haha pple date me after i return from Newyork and er if you have any jobs with reasonable pay tell me too!! haha. I am one of the unemployed in the market! =)

the last

2007-11-21T21:36:00.000+08:00

The last time i walk through the corridors of the school,
the pillars that had seen decades of students enter and leave yet never wavering.
The last times leave an indelible mark in me,
The memories of the past 2 years condense in my mind like a raindrop.
But I don't miss anything, I don't.

after the bizzarre and weird physics paper, went to take some class photos and went out with eu! she kept complaining that i made her walk to Bedok Mrt and complained how hot and hungry she was all the way to orchard!!!!!

Had a hearty lunch and went off on our quest, having made such extensive plans (yea sat in the canteen planning our "journey). Anyway shall post the pictures another day since blogger is being uncooperative. =/

Anyway food cures depression =)

sometimes

2007-11-18T19:05:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you want some people out of your lives, click the delete button but they keep coming back. Yet they don't understand. Yet there are some people you want to cling on for life, but someday you got to part and sometimes they just drift away. I hope there's this person who reads this blog get the meaning that I want him/her out of here forever. To stop interfering in my life. There's a reason for what I do.

Life's tough, people may seem complicated doing things you won't understand, but move on. Just move on with life. move on. When people want you out, just go. go quietly and let them have their peace alright?

Hope you understand.

Wedding bells

2007-11-17T21:47:00.000+08:00

Oh wells don't talk about A's. Its depressing.

Anyway i've a sudden fetish for green. maybe after 6 years in green uniform, the effects are showing.

Went for my dearest physics teacher's wedding. She's so gorgeous today!! Alright the photos are kinda blur but still. There you go SHOE.

tada!!

finally

2007-09-23T22:00:00.000+08:00

Ah finally something to look forward to tomorrow.
Was really dreading to go back to school tomorrow, 3 hours of nothing early in the morning. Shall go around settling my business and look forward to the end of school!

Then can go chill with the 4/2 mates @ marina bay.

AHHH I HATE SCHOOL.

101

2007-09-23T01:05:00.001+08:00

101th post at 101am. wow. amazing huh.

Ok just watched "I pronounce you Chuck and Larry" online since i am not yet 18 ahems. Okay I think its so retarded especially the "Isn't that supposed to hurt your testicals?". I was trying to laugh silently before my parents thought that i had gone mad or something. Oh wells about homosexuals, I guess we can't blame them for having such "ideals", I mean we are all born different, as long as it doesn't become a trend or something, we shoudn't get into the way of this minority groups. As long as they don't psycho others into doing the same, as long as they don't harm society, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Okay and please don't get me wrong, I am as straight as can be even though I dont want to have kids and I am not against homos. Well, thats if you have ignored my warning below.

Alrights don't highlight the above paragraph unless you want to read some sensitive issues. Hmm yay one write up left, one correction, and 4 more physics mcq papers left. =)

Sian to the max

2007-09-22T13:22:00.001+08:00

that's my cliques favourite phrase ever since yesterday's paper. Went for physics tuition and we realised we made so many million mistakes for MCQ already.

Unlike my friends, I dont think i ever want to have children. I can't commit, I can't sacrifice my freedom for a lifetime committment. Perhaps if I don't I will never learn to love someone wholeheartedly. But I feel that by having children will hinder my dreams. Selfish you may call me but i feel by doing so i am saving 2 lives from going through the same cycle that i did, the same toturous and ardous cycle i am going through now. By not conforming doesn't mean i am abnormal. I prefer to see myself as an independent and strong woman. Yepps.

Going to chiong all my write ups now. Then start to chiong all the TYS especially for maths and physics. Sigh. and guess what i'm so sleepy now.

Oh wells. the second round of mugging begins.

and what?

2007-09-21T19:42:00.000+08:00

there's something weighing my heart down, somehow my life feels empty. Exams are over and by right I shouldn't be feeling so void of all emotions, unlike the rest, I was in totally no mood to rejoice or celebrate and not now either.

And so I dread to open up the sibelius program to start dwelling on my 2 other techniques. Plus FIVE writeups. Plus my harmony corrections. And I totally am in no mood to go for physics tuition tomorrow. Just want to sleep in. Shit is the depression sinking in?

I wish,

I could see this clear blue sky again.

I dream a dream

2007-09-21T14:54:00.000+08:00

Finally slept a peaceful sleep. Felt super sleepy during the physics paper no idea why not as if i slept very late. Was playing guess the alphabet especially for the year 1 topics.

Ahh okay while everyone enjoys themselves i better get down to doing my composition techniques. Sigh...

just because

2007-09-20T21:43:00.000+08:00

Finally one last paper even though i have regarded the exams to have been over since econs,

Not in the mood to go anywhere tomorrow, just feel like going home take a warm bath and cuddle up in bed. And wake up to a fresh beginning.

Maths tutor put our paper 1 results in his msn personal message claiming he jumbled them up, but i doubt so. Oh wells. Somehow now i wish they return all the papers on monday and let me close this chapter and get on with life to move on to the next race.

Alrights no matter what, I guess its to not lose faith.

times

2007-09-19T15:57:00.000+08:00

Look at me,
You may think you see
Who I really am,
But you'll never know me. Everyday,
it's as if I play
A part.

Now I see,
If I wear a mask,
I can fool the world,
but I cannot fool my heart.

Chorus:

Who is that girl I see?
Staring straight,
Back at me.
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

I am now,
In a world
Where I have to hide in my heart,
and what I believe in.

But somehow,
I will show the world what's inside my heart,
And be loved for who I am.

Who is that girl I see,
staring straight
back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?

Must I pretend that I'm
someone else
for all time.
When will my reflection show,
who I am inside?

There's a heart that must be free
to fly
That burns with a need to know
the reason why

Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel?

Must there be
a secret me
I'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that I'm
someone else
for all time.

When will my reflection show
who I am inside?

When will my reflection show
who I am inside?

oh, ooh yeah

I guess we should treasure the moments we feel our heart quiver,
That small feeling is something we should hold on to
We should treasure the moments we truthfully feel relaxed and happy
even if the world comes crashing down.
I've come to realise that these 2 days
that no matter what its better to "kan kai"
even though my attitude may not remain like that when the papers start to boomberang back to me in a sea of red. SIGH.

cute!

2007-09-18T23:08:00.000+08:00

Aint he cute? And he's born the same day as me. =)

--always remember. The walls have ears. :)

Jiayou 3 more days to go!!

sighs. after tonight i shall wake up to reality again. boo.

life

2007-09-18T21:00:00.000+08:00

Enjoying life now. Left a physics MCQ. After dinner went to my room turned on the laptop and watch videos. YAY finished watching a show dont have to wait till weekends and tolerate the no of adverts.

Finally settled the recording stuffs, the system sucks alright everyone editing at the same time in the end timing clash. rarr.

ok shall do abit of compo?

everytime i finish watching a drama series i feel empty like something missing. HAHA. who ask me to study econs and watch the video at the same time. Ah wells.

bread

2007-09-17T18:48:00.000+08:00

Fine the maths paper was easy i admit, BUT due to my lack of practise i'm still dead. Section A is a goner Section B is blah don't know what I was doing.

Cabbed to school cause my maths tutor suddenly called me like when i just left the house to show me some calculator thing. Zzz. And in the end exam also didnt need to use it. Waste my $$$.

After seeing him met the 2 crazy woman, one craving for munchie donut and the other aiye shu haha its normal for her to be crazy. AHHA. don't kill me.

After maths paper while walking to the bustop, this guy from _ _/06 was like looking at his maths file then all of a sudden he slammed it shut in a pissed manner and walked so fast and his bag just dropped off his shoulder. Wonder what mistake he made in his maths paper until he became so pissed. scary.

Econs tomorrow. And i am less than 1/4 through. Hallelujah

hayley

2007-09-17T00:22:00.000+08:00

"Across The Universe Of Time"-- hayley westenra

When the sea falls from the shore
As the light sinks low,
will I see you any more?
As the rain falls from the sky
Can I bring you back, from a distant lullaby?

Show me your vision, the story begun
Two lights are rising and burning as one

In the deep blue of the night
Shine the millions of stars and my spirit burning bright
Spinning on, into the sun, flying higher
Now my journey's begun... And the...

Cold, cold wind, it blows me away
The feeling all over is a black, black day
But I know that I'll see you again
And I know that you're near me

There's a star, calling my name
It's echo is true and the song is not the same
Take my hand and lead me away
Bring me back to you in your arms I'm going to stay...

Tell me your vision, the story begun
Two lights are rising and burning as one

All those years drifting in space
I have known you well,
yet I've never seen your face
You turn around, looking at me, laughter in your eyes
And now I can see
And the cold, cold wind, it blows me away

The feeling all over is a black, black day
But I know that I'll see you again
And I know that you're near me

love her, she has the voice of an angel

statistics

2007-09-16T22:34:00.000+08:00

Bugged my Maths tutor till 1 am yest with maths questions. Bah stressful cause he wanted me to call him while he explained on the phone while writing on msn. And actually some of the times i didn't really know what he was saying but i just went yah yah yah.

And when it was approaching 1 he was like saying sheepishly, "Wah why you all don't need to sleep one" haha cause another of my friend was asking him stuff too. Sighs i haven't touched pure maths since last tuesday. die. And my econs is less than halfway through. =(

tjc shall we talk?

2007-09-15T22:03:00.000+08:00

Consulting tjcshallwetalk2. I was still asking and the teacher went offline?!?!?!?!

evil teacher. =(

depression

2007-09-15T00:04:00.000+08:00

The past was dark,
dabbling in fear and sorrow,
if angels had not extended their hands,
perhaps in heaven she would be now.

The present is uncertain,
surrounded by smoke and mirrors,
her reflection she does not recognise,
but she stands rooted amongst a storm.

The future she thinks not,
fumbling to get her foothold upon the dreams,
she sought to reach but too far high above they are,
residing within the castle in the clouds.

colorgenics 2

2007-09-14T21:14:00.000+08:00

*for those who are sick of colourgenics, you can skip this. But i am just amazed.

You are under considerable stress and you are almost about to 'blow your top' but you are fortunate enough to be able to exert control. Control is the name of the game and it is so good to realise that whatever the situation may be a this time - it will pass. You need to get away from everything for a while and if you do, you will find that, strangely enough, it will seem that most of your problems and situations will seem to wash away, just as the sea may wash away 'footprints' in the sand.

Rejection is what you fear the most and it is this fear that makes you unapproachable. You are looking for acknowledgement and above all looking for people who can appreciate you for who and what you are.

Being emotionally inhibited you have no alternative at this time but to be a 'watcher' rather than a 'doer'. At this time you feel as if you are being forced to compromise and stand back. But this is not the true you. Deep down there is that warm 'open' you which is awaiting the moment to burst forth - maybe like the chrysalis which will soon become the butterfly.

All of the stress and strains resulting from disappointment have led to agitation and anxiety. You have been going out of your way to make a good impression, but you have reservations as to the likelihood of succeeding. You feel that you have a right to accomplish all that you set your mind on but you have become helpless and distressed when circumstances have gone against you. The idea of failure is most upsetting and this can even mean utter dejection. You see yourself as a scapegoat and you feel everyone in your sphere of influence has tried to take undue advantage of you. You are trying to convince yourself that your failure to achieve standing and recognition is not of your making but indeed of those around you.

Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety and you are distressed by the lack of any close and understanding relationships. You feel you are not appreciated by those who matter to you. You are attempting to escape into a world on which you can relax and feel at ease.

Physics nightmare

2007-09-14T18:15:00.001+08:00

Sighs didn't finish my paper today. And all the graphs anyhow draw. HOW? tell me how to pass.

thanks shoe. haha. you and your obsession with TOMATOS. gawd.

Anyway, 2 days to finish studying maths and econs. HALLELUJAH.

was so depressed upon reaching school that i went into hiding. LOL. And sat for a super depressing paper. =(

colours, a mystery

2007-09-13T20:06:00.000+08:00

You are feeling exhausted, worn out, drained. You feel that far too much is being asked of you but you still want to overcome these difficulties and establish yourself despite the effect such an effort seems to have on you. You are a proud person, assertive most of the time, but at this particular moment you are acting as if you have become resigned to the situation. What you need is some tender loving care - a gentle pat on the head (or maybe a 'kick-up-the backside') and then you'll be raring to go.

You are totally dissatisfied with your present situation. Matters are not going right for you and you are seeking a means of escape. Your mental state of mind necessitates that you need to change your thinking patterns. Remember, if one particular modus operandi doesn't seem to work, then try something different.

You have a high opinion of yourself. It is perhaps because of this self-centredness that you become exasperated when you feel that your needs are misinterpreted by those around you. When this happens - and it does quite often - you feel that there is no-one that can understand the way you feel and it is because of this egocentric self that you are quick to take offence.

Your stress and anxiety are a result of an emotional disappointment. It could well be that the emotional relationship is no longer running smoothly and you have come to the end of your tether. On the one hand you would like to free yourself from this relationship altogether, yet on the other hand, you don't want to lose anything nor risk the uncertainty of throwing away something - something that's precious, something that could be the 'Real Thing'. Perhaps for the first time in your life you really don't know which way to go and it is these contradictory emotions that are causing you the untold stress. You are pretending to the world that you don't care but even this air of pretence is causing you much heartache.

You are presently worried about your future and you feel that whatever you do will go wrong. At this time you are your own worst enemy. All the disappointment that you have experienced, coupled with the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals, have led to anxiety. You would like recognition and a position of trust but you are concerned that these hopes and dreams may not be realised. You are very argumentative and insistent that you are right - maybe you are - but you are pushing too hard. Take it easy, let go, and smile. Smiling and agreeing with people works wonders - try it and see.

THIS IS SO FREAKING TRUE. colorgenics is a wonder. Trust me, when i need to know, i go to paul-goldins clinic and realise whats wrong.

brain potion

2007-09-12T23:25:00.001+08:00

I want the brain rejuvenation potion. please please please. I will play the _ _ _ _ _ some other time. but DHL that potion over. NOW. I trust you BTB but send that thing over. By the time prelims are over its too late. I would be dead (tired). Please da fa ci bei, have mercy over a poor girl like me.

but as long as you tell me that the potion is not chicken essence. muahaha.

oh please DHL it over here for me. bleah

the girl

2007-09-11T23:24:00.000+08:00

who is that girl staring at me with such bloodshot, forlorn and fatigue eyes? Crying out to me silently.

why does she scare me with her ice cold stare.

who is that girl in the mirror?

sighs

2007-09-11T12:32:00.000+08:00

5 more to go.

tj maths dept is sadistic. They know that i can't form any conjecture yet they always set that. from last yrs JCT to PROMOS to now PRELIMS. i havent managed to form a single conjecture and in total have costed me about 30 marks.

thanks.

untitled

2007-09-10T21:23:00.001+08:00

3 down 6 to go. ho ho ho

survival

2007-09-10T17:40:00.000+08:00

i'm tired, really am.

did my papers with a persistent headache. sighs.

i am so going to fail maths. sigh.

one day more

2007-09-09T01:02:00.000+08:00

one day more.

to study. =(

bean

2007-09-07T22:35:00.001+08:00

Alrights, i'm rejuvenated and energetic now. Ready for the next push.

thanks bean. Oh my.

laughter, the best medicine.

alrights, i'll give it my best shot. i promise.

regrets

2007-09-07T02:37:00.001+08:00

I didnt want to regret.

so... ...

HOW?

2007-09-06T21:02:00.000+08:00

i want to banish myself from this world. I'm lost.

I'm tired, very tired. 3 more days.

you know the feeling just sucks. To feel so lost and weary.

show me the way, someone.

and i shall face my imminent death.

mugging

2007-09-06T18:59:00.000+08:00

the mess of mugging mep.
the amount of information. 100GB?

2 1/2 more months and the pain ends. count down.

it aint necessarily so

2007-09-05T20:32:00.000+08:00

For the spirit lives on.

Can i even call this a life? I'm tired, tired of this routine. sick of it. One thing after another and it never ends. Can't wait for 60% of my music paper to be over. 7th october and I can finally say goodbye to sibelius my best friend that i can't live without for now. 7th october I will submit the bloody portfolio that is only half done. Sighs. Shall have a compo technique marathon after Prelims.

Sighs theres no time to rest at all. My poor brain, poor body, poor soul. Alrights whats the use of complaining when I am not the minister of education who is oblivious to our situation. I love studying man, so love studying. Its the most fun thing to do on earth. I simply love engaging in this fun activity, who wouldn't? Dillusions, dellusions.

because the day is long

2007-09-04T19:50:00.000+08:00

the familiarity of it all.

There's only one thing i look forward to, you know the feeling of having something to look forward to spurs you on? But i hate the unpersonal touch about it, sighs but "no fish prawn also can" loosely translated from hokkien.

Went to school to meet mr low to ask maths questions with eve. After the session went to Bedok Macs to study with eve, don and heech. realised i have never spoken to don so much in a day before and he can be quite crazy. Especially today. Looks can be deceiving, hur hur.

Studied Satie, my 1st boyfriend. And some people kept making fun of me because of ________. no comments. haha. Then did some physics paper.

Then maths. Sighs ridiculous maths. if i fail maths i am dead. and i think i am. My death is imminent. better start some stats. Alrighto. back to mug.

YAY

2007-09-03T20:35:00.000+08:00

something makes me happy. after months of not working. My msn version 8.1 works. my blogger works (no more blogging on hp) and my HOTMAIL works. NO MORE checking on that puny screen . YAY and i can upload photos.

just emailed PAT before he scolds me for going on a long disappearing act again. =) yayness. i am a techno girl cant live without technology!!! and i mean high technology. =)

Why

2007-09-03T11:39:00.000+08:00

Why issit that i seem to be studying so hard yet it seems to be going nowhere?

i can feel my brain collapsing, the migranes, the nightmares, the hallucinations.

Sigh.

Home

2007-08-31T22:32:00.000+08:00

Went back to tk today and it marks the happiest day in eons. Its like going back home, everyone is so warm from teaching staff to non teaching staff, from those who taught you to those that didn't.

Was touched that the av technician actually remembers my name even though we never really knew each other, that my physics teacher actually asked why i didn't contact her for ages, that my form teacher asked why i disappeared for so long. 6 months plus to be exact.

i missed the school dearly, missed the warmth. Haha thanks shoe for accompanying me back. Oh my thinking of what happened to us is just so hilarious and how she almost got us killed! Haha. Went for lunch and studied at sing post mac's. This is so reminiscent of o level time where we studied together almost everyday back at tk. :)

realised eu and i were both emoing badly yesterday. Telepathy? Haha. Take care woman.

Compo and Music

2007-08-31T00:14:00.000+08:00

To all music students out there.

sibelius has prob become your best friend out there. You are prob spending most of your life staring at your computer screen or piano desperate for inspiration. Making something out of nothing is what you have probably done.

you are probably stressed out by the upcoming a level prac, your h3 submission, and the compo recordings and submission. You've probably done your harmony exercises till you feel like strangling schumann and hayden.

yet much of the population are unaware of the amount of time you've to put into this plus juggling all your studies.

just hang on for the remaining 1 mth. Sigh.

Wishful thinking

2007-08-30T18:18:00.000+08:00

Everytime i'm looking forward to something, the plan gets rearranged. Its okay, i've resigned to fate.

"discovering yourself is the toughest thing to do on earth" dr hoag.

these are the times i just want to cut myself out from the outside world and just isolate myself. If i'm unreachable or ignore any messages just try and understand.

emo. Sighs.

Enough

2007-08-29T18:46:00.000+08:00

I can't handle this anymore.

Studying the joy.

2007-08-27T23:49:00.000+08:00

Studying in full force. Its become a full time thing. Morning 9 till night 12 plus. Of course with necessary breaks in between.

but what is this tell me?!?! Today went to study with ky and renee. Lamented about how life would have been better if we chose the other route. But the grass is always greener on the other side, but even so, its so prominent that the grass here has withered. But 2 more months and we can move on to a new patch of grass.

airport with eve tomorrow after sch. I wanna flyy away! Up up up.

Fears

2007-08-26T18:16:00.000+08:00

"people often say life is full of choices, but they never mention fear"

how true, there used to be a teacher in sec sch who always told me, "melissa, you ALWAYS have a choice." but fails to mention the fear in making those choices and the consequence in making the wrong choices.

overcoming my fear of integration. Sounds silly but everytime someone asks me anything to do with integration i would just shake it off fearing to face it. But now i think its not that bad after all. Ahh studying life is so mundane.

meeting the girls to study tmr @national lib after my morning swim. :)

Just because.

2007-08-25T00:37:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna smile myself to sleep tonight. Practical results in the email. I should say my recital journey in tj had been an arduous one. I felt so insignificant after the 1st recital i took. And from that time till now, i've improved 15 marks! And from jct till now its 5 marks. Though my results are still insignificant compared to the pple at the higher rung, there's just a sense of Self satisfaction.

of course there's way much room for improvement. 2nd oct a levels recital. Way to go. :)

Day 1

2007-08-24T19:58:00.000+08:00

My officially self declared study break began today! Spent the whole morning filing everything.

did some physics and maths before john came to let me copy the lecture stuff. Half the class ponned school and a certain teacher refused to give notes to those that didn't attend lesson. I find that a tad childish, its not as though we can get the notes from the other classmates. Zzz. Wonder what its like in a class of 10. Har!

off to study. :) toodles.

Wednesday

2007-08-23T00:47:00.000+08:00

I feel like i should have just stayed home today. And for the rest of the week. But if not for music and maths tomorrow and friday i wouldn't bother to go. The other lessons are rather redundant.

i'm getting The pre prelim jitters. But i badly need to finish my composition. And these days i've chronic fatigue and terrible migranes. Grr.

went to parkway to celebrate teachers day with ms tng @ swensons. Ky and i had a little adventure after celebrations. Rather eventful i should say.

Why?

2007-08-22T00:33:00.000+08:00

Why am i so tired?! WHY? so pissed that i can't study role of government without falling asleep.

grr. the thought that the last day of school is drawing is near, is both upsetting yet joyous. Its filled with fear that soon we're taking another major exam. And that soon we're going to have to part with the ones we've grown to become close with.

i need more energy.

Traumatised

2007-08-20T23:54:00.000+08:00

Has your dreams left you traumatised. The one i had couple of hours ago did. And i realised there are still many things in life that i'm not ready to face. This dream has left me afraid to fall asleep. Argh scary.

Anyway i think there's something wrong with me. The left side of my back hurts damn bad, i get migranes from time to time, and worst i'm losing my appetite. Argh.

anyway i've a hunch that all the tutors have given up on us. Today my gp tutor, maths tutor and the chem tutor were all absent! Fancy them resting at home on the last week of school. And during a certain lesson, renee and i were "treated" to a wonderful show by a certain teacher to her WONDERFUL body. Yucks. Badly want to erase that scene from my mind.

Wish

2007-08-19T23:51:00.000+08:00

Did the maths specimen paper today, felt so helpless. Chapters that i had been confident in for jct, i have forgotten them all and have to start from zero again. Where do i find the time?

recital at 5pm, better not get stage fright. My finger tips are hurting. Skin peeling. Maybe i should just forget about applying to ucas(uk admissions) and just give that far fetched dream up and just treat this prelim as just a rehearsal.

i should just stop envisioning myself flying anywhere next year. Cause i know now, its not going to be possible.

2 sided

2007-08-17T23:55:00.000+08:00

After school, i made my way to the backgate to go to my violin teacher's house. Upon reaching the audi i met my gp teacher. And she called me "michelle" haha i corrected her and we started having a chat about music. I realised she can be really nice at times. And after speaking to her i suddenly felt so shallow, she knows so much and could strike a thought provoking conversation that i never imagined i could have with her. But this is not to say a can tolerate her biasness in class. At least better than a certain toad who judges her students by their grades and act like strangers when meeting them outside class.

did my satie mind map at my teacher's place which faces the sea with a full length window. Studying in such an env is totally conducive because you feel a sudden sense of serenity and peace. Had dinner with her and my pianist. Then had rehearsal for the upcoming recital on monday. The ambience of playing "by the sea" with all the lights from the ships is so romantic, and could really get into the mood of the pieces. Love it.

but now i feel like crap, my stomach feels bloated with air. No idea why. Grr. Shall go sleep. Tata.

Clique 5

2007-08-17T00:49:00.000+08:00

Though i'm dying to sleep i just feel like pouring my feelings into this "pensieve" of mine.

these days, its as though there is a mountain sitting on my back. The pressure is immensely great and the stress level has reached my head.

3 more weeks left. Its as though life is flying by me. Before i can take a proper look and perceive what is happening around me, its over.

one consolation is that despite all these, i've got a group of friends who can cheer me up everyday. As eve has mentioned on her blog, i also want to thank the girls in clique 5(a name bestowed to us by the boys) for letting life be livable in tj. There's not much time left for us as class mates, i would treasure all the memories and laughter we shared esp this year, and i would savour every moment that we are left with. Of course lets study hard together and achieve our dreams. :) <3

Perhaps

2007-08-14T13:39:00.000+08:00

sitting by the window, staring out into space, staring and imagining that thats where i am.

I should be studying now. but here in the ms making use of the internet. Planes fly overhead TJ all the time. It's all gonna be over soon I keep telling myself, but its all gonna be over too soon.

I am not prepared, not at all.

truth

2007-08-13T10:41:00.000+08:00

Finally a post at an earthly hour for earthings.

cut the crap, i am STRESSED.

1.Aim to finish compo by TODAY.
2.Aim to finish Compo techiniques by THIS WEEK.
3.Aim to finish Tuition work by TOMORROW.
4.Aim to finish Differentiation by WEDNESDAY.
5.Aim to start studying ECONS and MUSIC. (shit)
6.Aim to study kinematics by THURSDAY.

and judging by all these i will never finish studying within one month with such slow productivity rate.

ARGH. i am doomed.

Hot!

2007-08-12T00:44:00.000+08:00

Todays weather was crappy! Was dying of a heat stroke this afternoon. Went home after doing gp with renee. And attempted to do the maths revision work sheet.

horrors to all horrors i could not do qn many questions! And i got reminded of integration and volume! I'm so so so dead. And what made things worst was the heat! I gave up and went to sleep. Must be global warming. Horrific, okay i think i'm too spoilt but i really hate the heat.

okay enough about that. Grr i need to get the facts in!

Just because.

2007-08-11T01:18:00.000+08:00

Just because i don't say a thing,
doesn't mean it means nothing.
but rather it means so much i just can't let go.

slacked the day away. Just because i wasn't in the mood to do anything. Lived life like a bum. Guess its time to gear up again tomorrow. Tuition plus lib date.

2 more weeks of school. 1 month to prelim. Less than 3 months to a levels.

Beyond.

2007-08-10T01:05:00.000+08:00

Many things are beyond our control. But i guess we can control the way we think and feel. A teacher once told me, no matter what you do, you always have a choice. You can choose to think on the positive side vice versa. Just that its just so difficult to come to terms with certain things.

i think i should stop living life as though everything is okay and perfect. Guess i'm opening up slowly, told a friend about what had happened, thanks for your listening ear.

sometimes its easier to cry than to smile, but whatever it is its a brand new start everyday. So look on the bright side of life. :)

Fallen

2007-08-09T01:25:00.000+08:00

Life is cruel isn't it? Things almost never go the way you want it to. Received a piece of bad news today, hais. But i guess there's nothing i can do about it.

life goes on, but this's it. What ever i had been looking forward to is gone. I've nothing left. At least for now.

cry not will i,
for strength of the soul
would be my living will.

Lost

2007-08-08T00:53:00.000+08:00

Part of my soul hasn't returned, its got left behind to a place my heart constantly pines for. The motivation that keeps me going.

i love the dead silence of the night, listened to emo songs on the lappie and browsed through past photos. I nearly broke down but i don't intend to ever. I remember those carefree days, though short but i won't ever forgot them in a life time.

toodles. To _____ , i miss you.

Memories

2007-08-06T22:57:00.000+08:00

I'm so exhausted, but these days who isn't. The pace of life is bullet train speed, and there's no stopping and no turning back to look. Look at the path you paved, to look at the picture you painted.

Left school after lunch missing double gp and double MEP. Woke up to a severe headache this morning, no idea why. And now my left eye hurts, and irritating me whenever i blink. Anyway went home and slept for 3 hours got a shock when i woke up cause i didn't intend to sleep the afternoon away.

Prelim time table is out. This reminds me of 2 years ago, where I would be sitting outside the staff room everyday at the metal tables studying with shu but that would be after prelims i guess. At least then, when you had any problems there would be constantly someone to turn to. Not now, not anymore. Ah reminise, but time is cruel and time has passed and those are just part of my memories and nothing more.

Some how its scary that the weeks pass like hours and theres no time to think, no time to react. I wish I could go somewhere out there, where i can lie on the plains of grass land and gaze at the stars at night, and marvel at the beauty of life.

The gift

2007-08-06T00:04:00.000+08:00

This weekend has been so terribly unproductive because i can sense the flu bug in me. Took 2 naps today. What a pig. Studied for maths test and did compo. Some how, maths has become my favourite subject minus whatever that has to do with integration. Haha.

can't wait for motif next sunday, the inaugural tj mep concert! So excited partially because i'm gonna play a song that is really sweet. Morart piano quartet. Esplanade recital studio! Maybe mozart would help develop my mathematical mind. Haha. Love my recital piece too, beethoven's spring sonata!

next week is a short school week and i've set my mind to mug really hard then and do up my compo portfolio! Life's tough but nobody said that it is gonna be easy. Stressed. Tired. But not beaten. :)

Silence

2007-08-05T00:46:00.000+08:00

Song playing:cry on my shoulders
mood: complicated

went for tuition early in the morning. Was in a sleepy mood and so pissed that i can't do all the yr 1 questions. Went for lunch with ky and kar. And guess after this conversation we realised there are so my sides to pple that we never saw, that there is a beautiful and ugly side to everyone.

actually i think that being an only child isn't as bad as what pple think. Sometimes i enjoy the joy of having the house to myself when i reach home. I enjoy the feeling of freedom and privacy. Of course sometimes there's nobody to talk to and your friends are all so caught up with their lives thats when you hope that you would have a companion. But i guess we enter this world alone and leave alone as well, pple that we meet help us get through this life but they come and go and with the fast pace of life, they leave as quickly as they came. And parting is inevitable.

nobody can stay by your side for your life time. Not a friend, not a lover, not your parents, not your siblings. Oh wells. Shall stop here. Wow its already sunday. My favourite day is over. :(

You keep me safe in a crazy world

2007-08-03T20:16:00.000+08:00

I hate fridays. Because i have to see my econs teacher for 3 hours. And i won't have lunch. And man, its friday. Take a break man.
so freaking stressed. My compo portfolio is still very thin and need so much refinement. Maths test on monday. Mep concert next sun. Prac exam on the 20th.
hais. :(
tuition early in the morning tomorrow. Headache is back. And i sent tesq a very obscene message not on purpose k.
wanted to type hey but ended up typing sex. Gosh.

Never before

2007-08-01T23:08:00.000+08:00

Has been the stress been as great as this. A couple of friends are crying halfway while studying. And i'm still being calm though unsure about how i'm going to get through this exams. Just slightly over a month to cram the syllabus into my brains.

i don't know how. But i guess i'm numb to it, and no more tears would fall. Because i swore so. That nothing is ever gonna make me cry. Nothing.

todays lunch was full of laughter. From a depressing topic about gp we managed to digress to other topics and laughed till i couldn't breathe. Haha. Thanks girls for all the joy and laughter. We.ld get through this together. :)

The last

2007-08-01T00:56:00.000+08:00

I swore that today would be the last time i would ever cry. Why? For reasons so complicated. I was shocked at my cheerfulness at school despite something unpleasant happening in the morning.

and i realise nothing can hurt me anymore and i think i like it this way.

did some maths in the lib today with tx and bala. What an unproductive day. Mug mug mug! Complex no drive me mad.

a certain survey question: do you like going to school?
me to moe: what do you think?

Why?

2007-07-31T00:03:00.000+08:00

Suffering from the "youngest child syndrome". Though i don't have any siblings but i'm always living in the shadows of 2 of my cousins who are "closest" to my family.
i'm sick of it, living in their shadows not being able to out shine them. They stand out in every aspect. Thats why i'm fighting so hard just to at least be of equal size as their shadows.
nights world. :(

And so...

2007-07-29T00:42:00.000+08:00

I wonder how come i'm so awake in the night and so fatigue in the day. Yepp just did 5 questions of loci.

And memories of my sec 4 maths teacher whom i fondly remember as "bulldog". She used her arms and rubber bands to teach us loci. And her humongous note books and all the cutting and sticking sometimes pissed me off. Plus her theory of dark and light high lighter. Haha. Funny lady she was but scary as well hence the nick name.

funny how i realised i don't remember much of my sec 3 physics and chem lessons. I wonder if i was dreaming too much.

its been raining quite abit these days but unlike the past tj class rooms are like jails and you can't look out and the pple by the window back in tk would be scrambling to get far far away from the window. And you don't get to feel the breeze anymore. And reader's digest said that air con makes pple fat. Lol.

Days like these

2007-07-28T00:38:00.000+08:00

Today was quite a bad day because my mind kept wandering away and i just couldn't concentrate. And i was having a terrible headache again and my econs tutor whispered to me during remedial. "you look very stressful (stressed) this term". And i was a little touched by her concern.
Saw derek for compo today and the smell of coffee coming from his mouth was so overwhelming. But i think his tips were very useful and ms chew would be back next week. Shit that reminds me of my essay.
reached home and just curled myself up on the bed and slept. The weather these days have been so cold that it makes me want to do nothing but sleep. And i had queer dreams just now. Haha polar bears are sweet but they aren't my favourite esp not the yellow ones in the mandai zoo. Heh. :)

2 words

2007-07-26T23:50:00.000+08:00

"help me"

Reflections

2007-07-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

Am lying in bed thinking again. I feel so disgusted with myself for not having the momentum of studying now. When its the most crucial period of time. I seem to be contented just finishing tutorials, doing compo and sgc. I guess i need the force and power since i feel so exhausted so easily these days.

i think i should learn how to open up more and not hide everything within. Be it feelings, character. Deep within we'll hide something but i guess its important to let the pple around us know how we feel.

on a different note, i went swimming today and this old woman came down as well. And she was wearing this low cut swimming costume! Showing one quarter of her yea you know what. And the back was so low it showed her bum. Lol. Think it was hilarious and she spent about slightly more than 5 min in the pool. :*

Friend test

2007-07-24T16:59:00.000+08:00

Hey friends, i've created a test at the side bar. Haha do it yea? Thanks. :)

Emotional parting

2007-07-23T23:54:00.000+08:00

I'll miss you my dear. More than anyone or anything in the world. Haha. Ok before i mislead anyone. My harry potter book gonna leave me for a few days! :( and i've only owned it for 3 days! I hope it comes back in its original condition or else i'll strangle the person who borrowed it to death.
i enjoy touching the cover of the book once in a while. I love seeing it sit on the shelve beside the half blood prince. I love the smell of the clean new book. I'll miss you deathly hallows. My precious.

Harry potter

2007-07-22T20:05:00.000+08:00

I couldn't resist the temptation of opening the book to the first page even just to smell it. Ha. And once the first page is open and the first word is read there is no end to it.

The first part of the book was rather dark and reading it till 3 am was slightly nerve wrecking and i hid most of myself under the blanket. The later part of the book was kind of unexpected but touching at parts. Countless of people died in this book kinda sad. I guess i learnt from the story that there can be many perspectives about people and we shouldn't judge people so quickly at least not till the very end.

Harry Potter has took me on a journey, opening the book is like entering the pensieve looking at the memory of harry, as i slot the book into its place next to the half blood prince, I feel sad that the journey has ended though all ends well, I know now that I am back into reality, and what i'm going to enter next is the world of einstein, marshell learner, hindemith, maclaurin just to name a few people.

I just finished watching "kimi wa petto" a japanese drama as well and i think my character is somewhat similar to the female lead. On the outside, she is someone that seems so strong and wears a "Noh" mask. Yet within is someone so fragile, who has built a wall around her heart. It is difficult to open up and show others who she really is, she is afraid to show her weakness to others and afraid of how others would look at her. I guess for me its almost the same situation, only few can get through the wall into my heart, people whom i dearly miss. The doctor told her, " You can't love her man". Perhaps so I was just thinking today, I would be too concerned about how I should be, what he wants me to be and loving independence, I would probably never want to be tied down. Though deep down, there is a longing for someone whom i can be myself with, to show the most embarrasing side of myself and the weak side of myself. And not the one who appears to be strong in front of others, who seems cold to those that i do not trust.

[edit]

just did the colour genics test and you would see this mirrors what i wrote about myself.

You appear to others around you as a person who is simply 'laid back'. From time to time you shelve your ambitions and forgo the desire for prestige and recognition and you are often considered as mentally lazy. You have the ability and you are the first to know this, but you prefer to take things easy and indulge your longing for comfort and security.

You need an atmosphere of peace and quiet and you would like to share a bond of understanding with the 'right person' - you have the belief that with the right person, your stress and anxiety could be minimised.

You lack confidence and that is a great pity because deep down you are indeed a warm caring person. This lack of confidence is making you wary of being drawn into any open discussion or conflict and so you feel as if you should let matters lie and leave well alone. But there may be a pleasant surprise in store for you. You are beginning to grow and very soon - sooner than you believed possible - this warm loving new you will be available for all to see and to appreciate.

Setback after setback has resulted in considerable stress and now you have got to the stage where you are continuously on your guard, not only to protect yourself from others but to protect yourself from yourself. It would seem that many of your unfulfilled hopes and dreams have led to uncertainty and suspicion. You no longer wish to answer to others and you are insisting on freedom of thought. You feel that you are fully self-sufficient and can control your own destiny. You are seeking ways to protect yourself from further loss of prestige and against further setbacks. You have become very dependent and you doubt that matters could possibly get any better in the immediate future and this negative attitude is leading you to exaggerate your claims and to refuse reasonable compromise.

You don't like authority and you rebel against all forms of limitation. You are your own person and you intend to stay that way and to get on in the world simply by your hard work and determination.

Blue

2007-07-21T01:01:00.000+08:00

There are days i wake up feeling blue and just wish to stay in bed all day long. I wonder to myself what is life? Today as i walked up to the music rooms, i stared at the mosaic tiles on the floor and thought Isn't life a mosaic piece of art? Everyday we place a tile on the large frame, we choose the colours and the day we die is the day we lay the final tile down to complete the picture.

these days my tiles are of dull colours, red blue black. That explains it doesn't it? I hope my tiles would be colourful in days to come. And so would yours too, my friends.

Angel and Devil

2007-07-20T07:12:00.000+08:00

My mind is in conflict thats perhaps why I've been having terrible headaches these days.

Angel: You can do it, believe in yourself.

Devil: haha what rubbish, you still have tonnes of work to do and your revision is still at ground zero. you are dead. Plus you have compo which is only half done, your compo techniques which you still haven't modified. Plus the whole syllabus to study for. you are doomed.

who wins? i don't know. Other dreaming that i was dreaming bad dreams. Oh wells. Time is really zooming past me like a bullet train. And i'm tired and sick of this life.

moods

2007-07-17T22:35:00.000+08:00

I guess the morale and mood around is quite low. I don't think i'm in a very focused state of mind yet which i desperately need to get into. But once I open up some notes, it casts a spell on me and i would just feel like sleeping or get a splitting headache. The future plagues us, we are unsure of the path to take, but i guess the only thing we can do now is to study hard and do well.

I've been rather low these few days, but i guess i remember what they have taught me and what she told me last year and i will get a grip of myself and i guess its time to dash towards my dreams.

"Yea though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me." Psalm 23:4

life

2007-07-17T09:40:00.000+08:00

Are headaches contagious? Or are we all developing brain tumours at the same time?

MIGRANE. and suffering from compo fever.

I decided not to catch potter after all the bad reviews and after all i hate the order of the phoenix.

Awaiting the final book.

gone. poof

2007-07-15T15:23:00.000+08:00

My 2hrs of work last night is gone because my dad's laptop decided to crash today.

Forget it i will just redo it. I guess i've become numb to these setbacks. I will just not watch harry potter and repay back the 2 hrs thats gone. thats not my fault.

annd my stupid laptop does not have sibelius and i cant put in my thumb drive or it would be infected. sighs.

Sacrifice

2007-07-13T21:47:00.000+08:00

Should i catch harry potter? Should i not. My heart says yes, but is that 2 hours worth it?

Went to esplanade today to study with metoh but he was just slacking away using his laptop. Studied an easy chapter for econs, just desperately trying to understand the basics first before moving on to the more challenging topics. Maths argh forgotten whatever i've learnt last year.

I just realised i know 4/6 of the pple who got A for GP. while i linger right at the bottom of the rung. In general the class lingers at the bottom as well, guess it will just mean more practise!

I realise if people complain less, they would be happier. It is human nature to complain about everything, push the blame to anyone or anything else but themselves. But if they reduce it, they would see things at a different angle. I mean certain things like assignment, even if you complain 1000 times you would still have to do it, but if you don't complain and accept it, you would be happier.

*melly's world*

goodbye

Saturday is purple

hierachy

Not so good

A not so happy new year

work work work

ASE Singapore Pte Ltd

NewYork

merry x'mas

technology

ho ho ho

F. R. I. E. N. D. S. part I

bored

money

X'mas

hwang jin yi

tuition 1

tuition

sleep pattern

grains of the past

hello tropics

newyork newyork

friends

19 minutes

the last

sometimes

Wedding bells

finally

101

Sian to the max

and what?

I dream a dream

just because

times

cute!

life

bread

hayley

statistics

tjc shall we talk?

depression

colorgenics 2

Physics nightmare

colours, a mystery

brain potion

the girl

sighs

untitled

survival

one day more

bean

regrets

HOW?

mugging

it aint necessarily so

because the day is long

YAY

Why

Home

Compo and Music

Wishful thinking

Enough

Studying the joy.

Fears

Just because.

Day 1

Wednesday

Why?

Traumatised

Wish

2 sided

Clique 5

Perhaps

truth

Hot!

Just because.

Beyond.

Fallen

Lost

melly's world