IN THE OWNERSHIP OF Melissa.
You have a choice to LEAVE or STAY.
finally
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Ah finally something to look forward to tomorrow. Was really dreading to go back to school tomorrow, 3 hours of nothing early in the morning. Shall go around settling my business and look forward to the end of school!
Then can go chill with the 4/2 mates @ marina bay.
AHHH I HATE SCHOOL.
♥ she spoked at 10:00 PM.
101
101th post at 101am. wow. amazing huh.
Ok just watched "I pronounce you Chuck and Larry" online since i am not yet 18 ahems. Okay I think its so retarded especially the "Isn't that supposed to hurt your testicals?". I was trying to laugh silently before my parents thought that i had gone mad or something. Oh wells about homosexuals, I guess we can't blame them for having such "ideals", I mean we are all born different, as long as it doesn't become a trend or something, we shoudn't get into the way of this minority groups. As long as they don't psycho others into doing the same, as long as they don't harm society, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Okay and please don't get me wrong, I am as straight as can be even though I dont want to have kids and I am not against homos. Well, thats if you have ignored my warning below.
Alrights don't highlight the above paragraph unless you want to read some sensitive issues. Hmm yay one write up left, one correction, and 4 more physics mcq papers left. =)
♥ she spoked at 1:05 AM.
Sian to the max
Saturday, September 22, 2007
that's my cliques favourite phrase ever since yesterday's paper. Went for physics tuition and we realised we made so many million mistakes for MCQ already.
Unlike my friends, I dont think i ever want to have children. I can't commit, I can't sacrifice my freedom for a lifetime committment. Perhaps if I don't I will never learn to love someone wholeheartedly. But I feel that by having children will hinder my dreams. Selfish you may call me but i feel by doing so i am saving 2 lives from going through the same cycle that i did, the same toturous and ardous cycle i am going through now. By not conforming doesn't mean i am abnormal. I prefer to see myself as an independent and strong woman. Yepps.
Going to chiong all my write ups now. Then start to chiong all the TYS especially for maths and physics. Sigh. and guess what i'm so sleepy now.
Oh wells. the second round of mugging begins.
♥ she spoked at 1:22 PM.
and what?
Friday, September 21, 2007
there's something weighing my heart down, somehow my life feels empty. Exams are over and by right I shouldn't be feeling so void of all emotions, unlike the rest, I was in totally no mood to rejoice or celebrate and not now either.
And so I dread to open up the sibelius program to start dwelling on my 2 other techniques. Plus FIVE writeups. Plus my harmony corrections. And I totally am in no mood to go for physics tuition tomorrow. Just want to sleep in. Shit is the depression sinking in?
Finally slept a peaceful sleep. Felt super sleepy during the physics paper no idea why not as if i slept very late. Was playing guess the alphabet especially for the year 1 topics.
Ahh okay while everyone enjoys themselves i better get down to doing my composition techniques. Sigh...
Finally one last paper even though i have regarded the exams to have been over since econs,
Not in the mood to go anywhere tomorrow, just feel like going home take a warm bath and cuddle up in bed. And wake up to a fresh beginning.
Maths tutor put our paper 1 results in his msn personal message claiming he jumbled them up, but i doubt so. Oh wells. Somehow now i wish they return all the papers on monday and let me close this chapter and get on with life to move on to the next race.
Alrights no matter what, I guess its to not lose faith.
♥ she spoked at 9:43 PM.
times
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Look at me, You may think you see Who I really am, But you'll never know me. Everyday, it's as if I play A part.
Now I see, If I wear a mask, I can fool the world, but I cannot fool my heart.
Chorus:
Who is that girl I see? Staring straight, Back at me. When will my reflection show Who I am inside?
I am now, In a world Where I have to hide in my heart, and what I believe in.
But somehow, I will show the world what's inside my heart, And be loved for who I am.
Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm someone else for all time. When will my reflection show, who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free to fly That burns with a need to know the reason why
Why must we all conceal What we think How we feel?
Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide I won't pretend that I'm someone else for all time.
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
oh, ooh yeah
--
I guess we should treasure the moments we feel our heart quiver, That small feeling is something we should hold on to We should treasure the moments we truthfully feel relaxed and happy even if the world comes crashing down. I've come to realise that these 2 days that no matter what its better to "kan kai" even though my attitude may not remain like that when the papers start to boomberang back to me in a sea of red. SIGH.
♥ she spoked at 3:57 PM.
cute!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Aint he cute? And he's born the same day as me. =)
--always remember. The walls have ears. :)
Jiayou 3 more days to go!!
sighs. after tonight i shall wake up to reality again. boo.
♥ she spoked at 11:08 PM.
life
Enjoying life now. Left a physics MCQ. After dinner went to my room turned on the laptop and watch videos. YAY finished watching a show dont have to wait till weekends and tolerate the no of adverts.
Finally settled the recording stuffs, the system sucks alright everyone editing at the same time in the end timing clash. rarr.
ok shall do abit of compo?
everytime i finish watching a drama series i feel empty like something missing. HAHA. who ask me to study econs and watch the video at the same time. Ah wells.
♥ she spoked at 9:00 PM.
bread
Monday, September 17, 2007
Fine the maths paper was easy i admit, BUT due to my lack of practise i'm still dead. Section A is a goner Section B is blah don't know what I was doing.
Cabbed to school cause my maths tutor suddenly called me like when i just left the house to show me some calculator thing. Zzz. And in the end exam also didnt need to use it. Waste my $$$.
After seeing him met the 2 crazy woman, one craving for munchie donut and the other aiye shu haha its normal for her to be crazy. AHHA. don't kill me.
After maths paper while walking to the bustop, this guy from _ _/06 was like looking at his maths file then all of a sudden he slammed it shut in a pissed manner and walked so fast and his bag just dropped off his shoulder. Wonder what mistake he made in his maths paper until he became so pissed. scary.
Econs tomorrow. And i am less than 1/4 through. Hallelujah
♥ she spoked at 6:48 PM.
hayley
"Across The Universe Of Time"-- hayley westenra
When the sea falls from the shore As the light sinks low, will I see you any more? As the rain falls from the sky Can I bring you back, from a distant lullaby?
Show me your vision, the story begun Two lights are rising and burning as one
In the deep blue of the night Shine the millions of stars and my spirit burning bright Spinning on, into the sun, flying higher Now my journey's begun... And the...
Cold, cold wind, it blows me away The feeling all over is a black, black day But I know that I'll see you again And I know that you're near me
There's a star, calling my name It's echo is true and the song is not the same Take my hand and lead me away Bring me back to you in your arms I'm going to stay...
Tell me your vision, the story begun Two lights are rising and burning as one
All those years drifting in space I have known you well, yet I've never seen your face You turn around, looking at me, laughter in your eyes And now I can see And the cold, cold wind, it blows me away
The feeling all over is a black, black day But I know that I'll see you again And I know that you're near me
love her, she has the voice of an angel
♥ she spoked at 12:22 AM.
statistics
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Bugged my Maths tutor till 1 am yest with maths questions. Bah stressful cause he wanted me to call him while he explained on the phone while writing on msn. And actually some of the times i didn't really know what he was saying but i just went yah yah yah.
And when it was approaching 1 he was like saying sheepishly, "Wah why you all don't need to sleep one" haha cause another of my friend was asking him stuff too. Sighs i haven't touched pure maths since last tuesday. die. And my econs is less than halfway through. =(
♥ she spoked at 10:34 PM.
tjc shall we talk?
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Consulting tjcshallwetalk2. I was still asking and the teacher went offline?!?!?!?!
evil teacher. =(
♥ she spoked at 10:03 PM.
depression
The past was dark, dabbling in fear and sorrow, if angels had not extended their hands, perhaps in heaven she would be now.
The present is uncertain, surrounded by smoke and mirrors, her reflection she does not recognise, but she stands rooted amongst a storm.
The future she thinks not, fumbling to get her foothold upon the dreams, she sought to reach but too far high above they are, residing within the castle in the clouds.
*for those who are sick of colourgenics, you can skip this. But i am just amazed.
You are under considerable stress and you are almost about to 'blow your top' but you are fortunate enough to be able to exert control. Control is the name of the game and it is so good to realise that whatever the situation may be a this time - it will pass. You need to get away from everything for a while and if you do, you will find that, strangely enough, it will seem that most of your problems and situations will seem to wash away, just as the sea may wash away 'footprints' in the sand.
Rejection is what you fear the most and it is this fear that makes you unapproachable. You are looking for acknowledgement and above all looking for people who can appreciate you for who and what you are.
Being emotionally inhibited you have no alternative at this time but to be a 'watcher' rather than a 'doer'. At this time you feel as if you are being forced to compromise and stand back. But this is not the true you. Deep down there is that warm 'open' you which is awaiting the moment to burst forth - maybe like the chrysalis which will soon become the butterfly.
All of the stress and strains resulting from disappointment have led to agitation and anxiety. You have been going out of your way to make a good impression, but you have reservations as to the likelihood of succeeding. You feel that you have a right to accomplish all that you set your mind on but you have become helpless and distressed when circumstances have gone against you. The idea of failure is most upsetting and this can even mean utter dejection. You see yourself as a scapegoat and you feel everyone in your sphere of influence has tried to take undue advantage of you. You are trying to convince yourself that your failure to achieve standing and recognition is not of your making but indeed of those around you.
Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety and you are distressed by the lack of any close and understanding relationships. You feel you are not appreciated by those who matter to you. You are attempting to escape into a world on which you can relax and feel at ease.
Sighs didn't finish my paper today. And all the graphs anyhow draw. HOW? tell me how to pass.
thanks shoe. haha. you and your obsession with TOMATOS. gawd.
Anyway, 2 days to finish studying maths and econs. HALLELUJAH.
was so depressed upon reaching school that i went into hiding. LOL. And sat for a super depressing paper. =(
♥ she spoked at 6:15 PM.
colours, a mystery
Thursday, September 13, 2007
You are feeling exhausted, worn out, drained. You feel that far too much is being asked of you but you still want to overcome these difficulties and establish yourself despite the effect such an effort seems to have on you. You are a proud person, assertive most of the time, but at this particular moment you are acting as if you have become resigned to the situation. What you need is some tender loving care - a gentle pat on the head (or maybe a 'kick-up-the backside') and then you'll be raring to go.
You are totally dissatisfied with your present situation. Matters are not going right for you and you are seeking a means of escape. Your mental state of mind necessitates that you need to change your thinking patterns. Remember, if one particular modus operandi doesn't seem to work, then try something different.
You have a high opinion of yourself. It is perhaps because of this self-centredness that you become exasperated when you feel that your needs are misinterpreted by those around you. When this happens - and it does quite often - you feel that there is no-one that can understand the way you feel and it is because of this egocentric self that you are quick to take offence.
Your stress and anxiety are a result of an emotional disappointment. It could well be that the emotional relationship is no longer running smoothly and you have come to the end of your tether. On the one hand you would like to free yourself from this relationship altogether, yet on the other hand, you don't want to lose anything nor risk the uncertainty of throwing away something - something that's precious, something that could be the 'Real Thing'. Perhaps for the first time in your life you really don't know which way to go and it is these contradictory emotions that are causing you the untold stress. You are pretending to the world that you don't care but even this air of pretence is causing you much heartache.
You are presently worried about your future and you feel that whatever you do will go wrong. At this time you are your own worst enemy. All the disappointment that you have experienced, coupled with the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals, have led to anxiety. You would like recognition and a position of trust but you are concerned that these hopes and dreams may not be realised. You are very argumentative and insistent that you are right - maybe you are - but you are pushing too hard. Take it easy, let go, and smile. Smiling and agreeing with people works wonders - try it and see.
THIS IS SO FREAKING TRUE. colorgenics is a wonder. Trust me, when i need to know, i go to paul-goldins clinic and realise whats wrong.
♥ she spoked at 8:06 PM.
brain potion
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
I want the brain rejuvenation potion. please please please. I will play the _ _ _ _ _ some other time. but DHL that potion over. NOW. I trust you BTB but send that thing over. By the time prelims are over its too late. I would be dead (tired). Please da fa ci bei, have mercy over a poor girl like me.
but as long as you tell me that the potion is not chicken essence. muahaha.
oh please DHL it over here for me. bleah
♥ she spoked at 11:25 PM.
the girl
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
who is that girl staring at me with such bloodshot, forlorn and fatigue eyes? Crying out to me silently.
tj maths dept is sadistic. They know that i can't form any conjecture yet they always set that. from last yrs JCT to PROMOS to now PRELIMS. i havent managed to form a single conjecture and in total have costed me about 30 marks.
Alrights, i'm rejuvenated and energetic now. Ready for the next push.
thanks bean. Oh my.
laughter, the best medicine.
alrights, i'll give it my best shot. i promise.
♥ she spoked at 10:35 PM.
regrets
I didnt want to regret.
so... ...
♥ she spoked at 2:37 AM.
HOW?
Thursday, September 6, 2007
i want to banish myself from this world. I'm lost.
I'm tired, very tired. 3 more days.
you know the feeling just sucks. To feel so lost and weary.
show me the way, someone.
and i shall face my imminent death.
♥ she spoked at 9:02 PM.
mugging
the mess of mugging mep. the amount of information. 100GB?
2 1/2 more months and the pain ends. count down.
♥ she spoked at 6:59 PM.
it aint necessarily so
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
For the spirit lives on.
Can i even call this a life? I'm tired, tired of this routine. sick of it. One thing after another and it never ends. Can't wait for 60% of my music paper to be over. 7th october and I can finally say goodbye to sibelius my best friend that i can't live without for now. 7th october I will submit the bloody portfolio that is only half done. Sighs. Shall have a compo technique marathon after Prelims.
Sighs theres no time to rest at all. My poor brain, poor body, poor soul. Alrights whats the use of complaining when I am not the minister of education who is oblivious to our situation. I love studying man, so love studying. Its the most fun thing to do on earth. I simply love engaging in this fun activity, who wouldn't? Dillusions, dellusions.
There's only one thing i look forward to, you know the feeling of having something to look forward to spurs you on? But i hate the unpersonal touch about it, sighs but "no fish prawn also can" loosely translated from hokkien.
Went to school to meet mr low to ask maths questions with eve. After the session went to Bedok Macs to study with eve, don and heech. realised i have never spoken to don so much in a day before and he can be quite crazy. Especially today. Looks can be deceiving, hur hur.
Studied Satie, my 1st boyfriend. And some people kept making fun of me because of ________. no comments. haha. Then did some physics paper.
Then maths. Sighs ridiculous maths. if i fail maths i am dead. and i think i am. My death is imminent. better start some stats. Alrighto. back to mug.
♥ she spoked at 7:50 PM.
YAY
Monday, September 3, 2007
something makes me happy. after months of not working. My msn version 8.1 works. my blogger works (no more blogging on hp) and my HOTMAIL works. NO MORE checking on that puny screen . YAY and i can upload photos.
just emailed PAT before he scolds me for going on a long disappearing act again. =) yayness. i am a techno girl cant live without technology!!! and i mean high technology. =)
♥ she spoked at 8:35 PM.
Why
Why issit that i seem to be studying so hard yet it seems to be going nowhere?
i can feel my brain collapsing, the migranes, the nightmares, the hallucinations.
Sigh.
♥ she spoked at 11:39 AM.
Prelude
Once upon a time there lived a girl named, Melissa.
She fell in love with ???
Unfortunately the wicked witch
stole his heart.
And the princess lost him forever.
(the person who designed this is weird)
Profile
M E L I S S A honeybee.
If you think you know me, read my blog and think again. I'm imperfect and I'm Lovin' It.
I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.
This is my blog so Click here if you hate it.
Aint he cute? And he's born the same day as me. =)
the mess of mugging mep.
the amount of information. 100GB?
For the spirit lives on.
the familiarity of it all.